I always say - if I am not with happy how I am, how I look, RIGHT NOW and it never changes, than I will waste years feeling like I am never enough. I have worked with many people in my practise, who have eating disorders and who are very hard themselves. I have even had clients that look like models, with even worse beliefs about what they should or should not eat and how they should or should not look. It saddened me deeply when I came upon a young woman's belief that everything she eats is bad.
It's not what we eat, it's how we feel about what we eat. Last night I got a decaf pumpkin spice latte. I was feeling unwell and wanted a treat. When I was done, I felt a little gross and guilty. I sat with that guilt and had a real moment with myself. I didn't dismiss it. I sat with why.
It's not what we look like, it's about we perceive ourselves when we look in the mirror and how we think others see us in the world. I have been standing naked in front of the mirror lately and giving myself love front and back side! I have been walking around the house naked too. I am not saying you have to do this to feel beautiful but things get real when we aren't decorated. I Give myself big hugs. I have noticed that since starting this my man is now more attracted to me. He definitely likes the walking around naked bit. I recently put on weight due an illness, and was feeling bad about it... I simply got real with myself, allowed myself to heal and stopped trying to fit into what I think I "should" look like. I am in my 40s and my body is going to change. I now approach eating and fitness from a much different place- which actually, I have been working on for years... more of a becoming conscious of and letting go of rules.
I feel that if one feels the need to constantly defend that they love themselves, how they look (albeit we need to express this every now and then to teach our youngins') it looks to me like they are defending- which I am hoping we will hopefully begin to move past as a culture. If we are good with how we look, how we eat and how act in the world, there is certainly no need to advertise or defend it again and again. Just be wicked and the confidence and strength will shine through in everything we do.
Stand a little taller in your space- stand strong, speak honestly, show yourself eating whatever the heck you want to. Smoke in public and don't hide it in photos... Be your goofy self. I am a ham and it's no secret. This is me. Tam-ham.
I used to hide all of this (when I entered into entrepreneur land and became visible again) and now I look at a photo and say: Oh look at my awesome double chin, look at my healthy voluptuous body, look at how freakin' happy I am. I am owning it. I am grateful. Really. Life is a blessing. May sound fluffy but that is how I feel. Sure, I might have a little pity party every now and then, but I get through it and celebrate the goods things more often now.
Love is such an all encompassing big ass word. I believe love is the good, the bad and the ugly. Love is all. When people say it to me, something happens deeply within. I start to trust them more, I feel like I am needed and that I belong, I become incredibly loyal and seemingly, will do anything for them... And this has sometimes come at a devastating cost.
Then when the person who has told me they love me, does something that seems like such a low blow, seems so wrong, so hurtful with no regard for the consequences of their actions I literally go into a state of shock and confusion and sometimes self hatred.
I know we all go through this and do this to each other. I am certainly not immune to having reacted poorly in a situation and trust me, I have dealt with the consequences of that a few times. It sure does suck.
I have been looking at my past friendships a lot more closely lately. If I feel that maybe things ended prematurely, friends who I may have hurt and am really doing my best to pick up the phone or meet with them belly to belly, saying I'm sorry, let's start again. Not everyone is ready, and some have not responded and that is ok. If something should happen to me, I at least know I tried. This is really f*cking hard by the way. So I get it if you haven't done it. It means swallowing your pride and defying everything your ego is telling you to do. I go to my heart and I listen to her and get into a state of, well, LOVE! Try it. You'd be surprised what happens when we think and act from there.
Since starting this way of reconnecting, a few relationships have healed, friendships have rebirthed and the love has been reseeded and is growing again.
I get that we all have ways of protecting ourselves and ways in which we are most comfortable communicating. Some people will hide behind their computers, some will write letters that they can proofread and some will block us out completely. That is ok. Again, I have done this and still do, it's away of protecting themselves / ourselves / myself and everyone needs time to process.
I have also come to realize that I am being a little more discerning as to who is really using the word love from a place of honesty, truth and power versus, neediness, fear and loneliness. I don't judge, I am simply choosing to be care-full as to how I internalize it. I ask bigger questions now and I decide if someone is truly a friend by their actions towards me. Actions speak so much louder. I am a coach and I deal with people's very vulnerable places, so I want to be certain that I am with a friend or a client, and sometimes yes, it is both but I am definitely being more aware of when someone is using me and when, as Carolyn Myss says, acquisitioning my energy for their own gain:
Unless they are my client - and willing to work through these things - there are now some very clear qualifying factors in my friendships now. And that is just. The. Way It. Is.
Love can be many things and I have learned that for me, LOVE IS COMMITMENT. It couldn't be more clear to me than that now.
I have seen some amazing turnarounds in my life recently and I truly believe all relationships can be healed. Both people are required to do the work. That's the only way. If that isn't happening then as much as my inner only child needs people to like and love her, I must make an adult, wise mama decision to have and keep healthy boundaries or end the connection completely. Either way, all ways, it is for LOVE .
❤️ Love IS the Miracle.
Living One Vibrational Energy
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Hi I'm Tammra
I live in Squamish, BC, Canada and I am uber passionate about holistic well-being and music. I am here to help you find YOUR Rhythm & Rock YOUR Groove ->> Subscribe to my New Groove News for ways to get the party started! Want to know more about me- read my story here. #HolisticNutrition #Recipes #NLP #Mindset #SelfCare #SelfLove #Intuition #Music #DJing #Yoga #Dance #Movement #Shamanism & more...