Love is a big ass word...

​Love is such an all encompassing big ass word. I believe love is the good, the bad and the ugly. Love is all. When people say it to me, something happens deeply within. I start to trust them more, I feel like I am needed and that I belong, I become incredibly loyal and seemingly, will do anything for them... And this has sometimes come at a devastating cost.
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Then when the person who has told me they love me, does something that seems like such a low blow, seems so wrong, so hurtful with no regard for the consequences of their actions I literally go into a state of shock and confusion and sometimes self hatred.

I know we all go through this and do this to each other. I am certainly not immune to having reacted poorly in a situation and trust me, I have dealt with the consequences of that a few times. It sure does suck.

I have been looking at my past friendships a lot more closely lately. If I feel that maybe things ended prematurely, friends who I may have hurt and am really doing my best to pick up the phone or meet with them belly to belly, saying I'm sorry, let's start again. Not everyone is ready, and some have not responded and that is ok. If something should happen to me, I at least know I tried. This is really f*cking hard by the way. So I get it if you haven't done it. It means swallowing your pride and defying everything your ego is telling you to do. I go to my heart and I listen to her and get into a state of, well, LOVE! Try it. You'd be surprised what happens when we think and act from there.

Since starting this way of reconnecting, a few relationships have healed, friendships have rebirthed and the love has been reseeded and is growing again.

I get that we all have ways of protecting ourselves and ways in which we are most comfortable communicating. Some people will hide behind their computers, some will write letters that they can proofread and some will block us out completely. That is ok. Again, I have done this and still do, it's away of protecting themselves / ourselves /  myself and everyone needs time to process.

I have also come to realize that I am being a little more discerning as to who is really using the word love from a place of honesty, truth and power versus, neediness, fear and loneliness. I don't judge, I am simply choosing to be care-full as to how I internalize it. I ask bigger questions now and I decide if someone is truly a friend by their actions towards me. Actions speak so much louder. I am a coach and I deal with people's very vulnerable places, so I want to be certain that I am with a friend or a client, and sometimes yes, it is both but I am definitely being more aware of when someone is using me and when, as Carolyn Myss says, acquisitioning my energy for their own gain:

1. Is this person selling something to me?
2. And do I actually need it? 
3. Is this person wanting to give equally to the friendship / relationship? 
4. Is this person in constant crisis and could this be a draining relationship?
5. Can I set a healthier boundary with compassion?
6. Is there reciprocity?
7. Does this person have safe and healthy boundaries in THEIR life? 

Unless they are my client - and willing to work through these things - there are now some very clear qualifying factors in my friendships now. And that is just. The. Way It. Is. 

Love can be many things and I have learned that for me, LOVE IS COMMITMENT.  It couldn't be more clear to me than that now. 

I have seen some amazing turnarounds in my life recently and I truly believe all relationships can be healed. Both people are required to do the work. That's the only way. If that isn't happening then as much as my inner only child needs people to like and love her, I must make an adult, wise mama decision to have and keep healthy boundaries or end the connection completely. Either way, all ways, it is for LOVE .

❤️ Love IS the Miracle.
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ReSourceFully Yours,
​~ Tammra