If I may share some important information from my training in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) these past 6 years on giving advice / feedback / comments.
1. When giving people constructive criticism / feedback / comments and you don't already have a coach / mentor agreement with them - then it's so key to always ask permission to give that person feedback so they can be prepared and grounded, otherwise- they could be triggered. When working with couples and families - or clients wanting better communication -- I always start with this one as well. My beloved Tony and I do our best to ask before we give each other advice or feedback. I try not to even use the word "add-vice" anymore. So we ask of it's ok to give the other, feedback. That person then has the right to say no or yes, and be ready to listen.
2. On the receiving end... One of my favourite responses to feedback / comments, whether it's what we want to hear or not and whether we were asked permission for it or not, is "thank you". We spent a few hours in my NLP class saying "thank you" to comments whether they were positive or negative. I realize now that is because when I defend myself, I take myself out of my own power. If the issue is worth addressing then I take it to a phone call or a meeting so as to connect with heart and do it well after reflecting on the comment. I have found this "less than easy" in the past and it's a work in progress. Of course, there will times when the feedback is highly inappropriate and you'll decide then what is the best next step for justice...
In any case, feedback is by far the best learning tool for me personally. I remain open (in safe spaces) and coachable and I also know when it's important for me to stay true to my own heart, code of ethics, values and path. It's the WAY that I handle these situations that is key. Rather than react or let something "eat-away" at me I now have the tools to meditate on it, track it or say something about it. I always know that whatever I require for my highest good is already here ... and this makes it easy to stay flexible, forgive more often and learn what I need to learn and keep growing into wholeness. OR to take action on it, such as is the case in situations where something could be classified as harassment and beyond.
I hope this was helpful. It sure was for me when I first learned it. Communication is becoming easier and it helps me to be a better listener ... everyone wants to be heard.
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Hi I'm Tammra
I live in Squamish, BC, Canada and I am uber passionate about holistic well-being, music, art and being playful. Want to know more about me- read my story here.