Self-Leadership - An Expanded, New-Groove View

​As I looked through some of my books that focus on 2017 and allowed my intuition to guide me, the word “Leadership” started to show up. So, I sat with this idea for a few days. Then I heard “Self-Leadership” ringing in my ear and this truly resonated as a great theme for January.

These past few weeks I have been practicing a lot of extra self-care. A lot more than usual, as I tend to be an over giver - over-achiever and have been reclaiming my boundaries BIG TIME again. I realized this action of reclaiming my boundaries is an act of self-self-love and very much an act of Self-leadership. I didn’t know that "Self-Leadership" was a thing and did a little research online. I have posted the definition from selfleadership.com below - and because of my work  - my goal is to expand this into an applicable and experiential practice using the tools and skills that I have developed over the past 20+ years as a holistic health practitioner. Even though there is a pretty comprehensive definition below - my goal is to grow this into a deeper body-mind-soul interpretation.
 
Definition from selfleadership.com:
 
Self-leadership is having a developed sense of who you are, what you can do, where you are going coupled with the ability to influence your communication, emotions and behaviours on the way to getting there.
 
Self-leaders have a drive for autonomy, can make decisions, are more creative and persist, even in the face of adversity.
 
Some of the intentional behaviours that characterize Self-leadership are; self-awareness, self-goal setting, self-motivation, positive self-talk, assertive communication and the ability to receive and act on feedback.
 
Self-leaders utilize strategies or rituals, to align their intentions and actions to achieve success. Some of these strategies include:

• Reflecting on intention to achieve focus
• Clarifying what they are responsible ‘for’ and what we are accountable to?
• Becoming the author of the inner narrative to tell an empowering story
• Confidently taking action and seeking feedback
• Communicating authentically to achieve win/win
• Being mindful and managing emotions
• Influencing through understanding the intentions of others

 
Now there is a lot of juicy goodness in all of that. Most of it I agree with for sure - and I can see there is so much more room to play.

Here is what I would ask of Self-Leadership based on the definition  above:
 
“Who we are” is not our behaviour. Our behaviour is not who we are. Behaviours can be changed. So, the question is: who are we? << Tweet This?   
 
I personally don’t believe we “are going” anywhere. Yes- there is a process and from my personal experience and working with people for many years, I have observed that:

The subconscious mind does not know time. Time is a conscious concept. >> Tweet This
 
How do we access our own “drive” aka drivers? How can that be helpful? How could that be cautionary and why would that be important?
 
We make decisions unconsciously from the time we are babies. Beliefs are born from those decisions. So, to me, this means:

You decided who were you were going to be long before you became it. <<Tweet This

Did you know that we are 100% unconscious until about the age of 7? If we can access and find those old outdated decisions aka beliefs, we can transform them into more useful knowledge about ourselves and this can allow us to step into new actions more ease-fully and confidently.
 
Self- awareness is certainly the key. How do we get into that space of seeing or sensing ourselves? That is where I dig a little deeper - and how do we do this safely without triggering old trauma? One way is to put a picture or whatever you are sensing out in front of you - look at it - look at yourself and the others in this picture. Disassociate. You can try shrinking the picture and moving it away from you or even put it on a shelf for later. This is a safe way to deal with things until you are in a more grounded, supportive space to learn from it. 
 
When it comes to communication we can be clear and assertive yes - but how it lands for another person could be a much different scenario. Are you prepared for what comes back? I love imagining all scenarios - the good, the bad, the ugly and how would I deal with each of those situations? It’s amazing how a conversation can go - when you are prepared for anything to happen and be totes-ok with all of it.
 
Sometimes persisting, even in the face adversity, isn’t the best solution. Every situation and solution is going to be unique for each person. It really all depends on a person’s ethnicity, upbringing and more. I do my best to see the perspective of the other person before I make a comment or give feedback. First and foremost, I do my best to ask permission first. This has got to be one of the biggest keys to communication ever (think triggers, safety, boundaries)- it goes both ways and even the smallest invasion of someone's privacy – can unleash chaos. Just ask! “Is it ok to give you feedback?” “Is it ok for me to send you a link to my products?” “Is this a good time to talk?” – Social media and texting has completely derailed us when it comes to the intimate art of privacy – here is a way to build trust again in your relationships. Hey, by the way, I am not immune, we all do it. It’s simply a practice to begin now – asking for permission is HUGE! Try it on... it feels pretty rad. 

Probably my biggest lessons these past few years have been:

• to do research on people before allowing them to coach me (have they had results with others, are they open to an interview) - and look closer at how the relationship started in the first place (did they even ask my permission to send me their info, did they genuinely get to know me...)
  
  
• listen more closely to my intuition and be more aware and ask questions when I see a “red flag”
  
  
• create stronger boundaries that focus more on self-care than anything else and knowing it’s ok to make it all about me occasionally (as in- say "no" and also be ok with creating full on self-care days just for me).

… and this has all led to me being a self-led leader in my own life.
 
Hey- I just noticed this: Behaviours = Be-Hav-I-Ours (interesting) 

Anyhoots --- 

If I can do this - so can you. I love this work. And this work loves me. This work can love you too, if you let it.