I'm living a life that I only once used to dream about. I am in a happy marriage where I feel loved deeply and in harmony with. I have a loving relationship with my close family, I make a pretty decent income that far exceeds what I ever ever thought possible and my businesses are continuing to grow and thrive. I'm able to travel, see new places, meet new people and I have an amazing group of friends who believe in me, support and love me, don't judge me, even when I make mistakes and we are always willing to take care of each other…
But my life wasn't always like this…
In 2006 everything in my life fell apart. My, now ex-husband, was in love with someone else, I felt like I had very little in common with my community (although that did change) and I was feeling extremely alone and lost. It was during this time that I really questioned where I was going with my life and who I was going to live it with. The stress of an impending divorce, triggered unresolved trauma from my childhood and things started to spiral downward very quickly and I hit a rock bottom place. I had even contemplated ending my life. I tried to resist what was coming up and this led to drug and alcohol abuse which then led to even more self-hatred (because I was a holistic health practitioner!) I started blaming everyone around me and even started blaming my family and upbringing for my circumstances. During this dark time I remember throwing my hands up in the air and yelling out "Why am I here? What is this all about? Show me what I am supposed to do or I am out of here!"
That is when I got a sign. I received a phone call from a colleague who I had never met, and she told me that I could be living a much simpler and happier life just by tapping into a larger community of health and investing in a holistic business model that was about personal development as well as pouring greatness into others and lifting people up. Even though I had a habit of being quite sarcastic, I was always quite open to new ideas and was mostly optimistic, so I decided to take a look at what she was offering. I started getting on her coaching calls and going to events and conferences and being around people who had a much brighter view on life and what was truly possible. It was also during this time that I started to ask for help from my own community and before I knew it I was able to trade services for life coaching, homeopathy and something called EFT (Emotional Freedom technique) and I began some counselling sessions. It was also at this time, that I started a "Law of Attraction" study group and started to learn about positive psychology and NLP. BUT I still had a lot of doubt.
I was the kind of person who thought I could always do it on my own. I am an only child from a dysfunctional family and realized early on in life that I was probably going to have to take care of myself if I was going to survive. Even though in some ways this was a blessing I also learned early on not to trust people and watching my husband having an affair only proved to me that no one could be trusted. I had clearly decided at a young age that life was just always going to be a struggle and that nobody wanted me … but when I opened myself to coaching, mentorship and learning a new way to see life I discovered that these were simply old, unconscious programs in my mind and because I believed these programs were truths, I actually manifested the things I feared most into my life. When I learned that there was a strategy to everything I did, I also realized that I could use the same strategy and apply it to a positive outcome. I also learned that the behaviour of a person is not "who they are" and that a behaviour can be changed. By simply finding an unconscious belief that no longer served what I wanted for my life, I could become more conscious of my kneejerk reactions. I started to believe that I could change my unconscious belief systems which ultimately would change my behaviour, which ultimately would change my physiology and my actions, which would most likely change my circumstances.
I started to believe that things were going to change for the better… and they did! Within a short period of time my health improved dramatically and even though I was suffering from panic attacks, I felt like I had my life back on track. Within a few months I was also building a second stream of passive income, which allowed me to slowly start quitting some of my part time jobs and giving me more time freedom, financial flexibility and resources.
Because of this new flexibility, I was able to take courses and started to study something called NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). I made a commitment to take and complete these courses and within the first year of study I decided that my marriage could not be saved and I headed out to start my new life.
It was incredibly difficult leaving behind my friends, who had become like family to me, my community that I had worked so earnestly to become a part of for over 10 years and be in good standing with, the other jobs that I actually enjoyed as well as leaving a business, a production company that I had co-built from the ground up, that was actually bringing in some actual revenue. I decided that I was more important than all of that. I was more than my identity, and taking care of myself, my needs, healing the relationships with my family, and fulfilling my bigger dreams to serve others, was now the direction I wanted to head in.
And that has brought me here. Even though some days are still challenging, and when they are, I simply go back to that rock bottom place and remind myself that I can do anything I set my mind, heart and soul to and I remember how far I have come.
So if you are going through a tough time right now simply close your eyes put your hand on your heart and ask for help. It doesn't matter who you think you're praying to... whether it's loved one who has passed on, God the Universe, the Creator, the Great Unnameable Spirit, your Angels or your Higher Self or maybe you don't believe in any of that… I simply suggest to do what I did: ASK FOR HELP and watch closely as to who and what shows up. It may not appear in the form you wish for but I promise you, it's the person or opportunity that could be the stepping stone to your next best you. When we crack ourselves open, we can let the light shine on us… it may show you some "ugly" parts but I assure you, those parts can be healed, those parts can be loved and those parts be can be whole.
The only risk in life is taking no risk at all. Go for it!
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Hi I'm Tammra
I live in Squamish, BC, Canada and I am uber passionate about holistic well-being, music, art and being playful. Want to know more about me- read my story here.